Drive-by

Yesterday I murdered a living creature. In fact I killed three. At least.

Whilst visiting my future in-laws, Alice's brother and I discovered a marvellous form of entertainment known as a 'drive-by'. I knew all those solid hours of Grand Theft Auto would come in handy one day. Simply substitute rabbits for people, et voila, a whole day's worth of fun for the price of a few pellets.

There is justification for it. Lady Miros and I are, as you may know, tying the knot in September. The reception is to be held in a marquee, in a field, just by the in-laws' house. Unfortunately said field is literally crawling with rabbits. Or at least some of them were crawling once we'd winged them.

Now, rabbits may be stupid, but they're not blind. For some reason walking straight up to them with a shotgun doesn't seem to bear much fruit. Although Tom was berating me for not having a 'man-gun', I had quiet confidence in the cold efficiency of the air rifle. How right I was!

Tom and I took it in turns for the 'drive-by' - one at the wheel, one with the rifle. Easing our way up the road which runs directly next to the field, we were presented with a goldmine of legitimate targets. Tom, despite apparently 'not liking killing', is a cold-blooded maniac. I of course have no aversion to killing, especially when you can bag 'em all up and flog 'em to the local butcher. And so an evening of maiming and terror befell the West Sussex Rabbit Collective.

I don't feel bad about it. I like Watership Down, but it's all bollocks really. Rabbits don't even seem to like each other. Whilst en route to the field at one point, two young males came bounding out of the hedge, completely oblivious to the car, seemingly in the process of tearing each other's eyes out. Vicious bastards. Needless to say, we saved them the effort.

It's nice to satisfy my bloodlust after years of inactivity. Oh, and Shaun Murphy won the snooker, which was also grand. Life is just great.

And cheap, if you're a bunny.