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J-E-T-S YTD: +£14512.83

Just a quick update to reassure myself I'm not dead. Life seems much less gloomy now, what with seeing plenty of friends recently and generally venturing out into that stuff called sunshine. Mad, must try it more often. The wedding looms and Lady Miros is crapping herself (in a very ladylike manner, of course), meanwhile I've done practically zilch to prepare for it. Should be a breeze anyway. What's the worst that could happen?

After much shilly-shallying, every single one of my invited friends has decided to turn up. Bunch of liggers. Once the Camel sussed out the prospect of free food, his reply was in the post quicker than you could say pork scratchings. And this despite the fact he lives in Darlington, and the more-prescient fact that the Camelette is on the verge of dispensing the long-awaited Humpling. I expect he won't come. Don't worry Keith, I'll send you a doggy-bag.

And a quick message to those who thought they might be invited, but aren't... well, soz. That's about all I can say really. I obviously don't like you that much.