Decide and rule

Yes, I'm back. The Dordogne was fun and eventful and I did vomit once from eating too much foie gras, but there's really no place like home. Sadly I'm only back for a week or so as I'm off to Vegas on Wednesday to wank away my chips to some lucky sap in that World Series thing.

I've been thinking a lot recently about why I love poker so much, other than that I'm sick. The conclusion I've come to is that I'm actually not sick at all. Some of you may beg to differ, but it's true I tells ya. Sure, I hear the call of the bones, but that's a different matter. At the poker table I'm not there to gamble, I'm there to make decisions. It's all about problem-solving. That's what I really love about the game. Make the right decisions most of the time, and ultimately you'll be alright. Make the right ones all the time, and often you're damn near unbeatable.

I keep thinking that one day soon I'll have some really tough decisions to make. I hope not, 'cos I'm out of practice. I don't mean trivial poker decisions, but real decisions, life-changing stuff. Like finding out your unborn child has a debilitating illness and whether or not you should abort. I keep having this horrible daydream that a loved one will die just as I'm jetting off to Vegas. Would I still play the Main Event? I think we all know the answer to that. Someday soon I'll have to make one of these horrible decisions, because life's just been too damn easy so far. It can't carry on like this forever, can it? Can I get through it all avoiding the nasty unpleasantness that happens to other people? If I was a betting man, I'd say no. Fortunately I'm a mug, so perhaps I'm wrong.

I can't even remember the last time I had a tough decision to make. Probably in the Old Bailey, and that was 10 years ago. Not guilty m'lud, YBA! These days my toughest decisions revolve around whether to have a flutter or a splodge, or whether to have Weetabix or a can of Guinness, or whether my ideal role model is Humbert Humbert or Clare Quilty. That's as tough as it gets. Long may it continue.

I hope I make the right decisions in Vegas. I find it much harder when people are actually there looking at me. My brain convinces me that I'm a fraud, that I'll never get away with it. The other people don't beat me; I beat myself. I hope I can find a solution for it this year.

I think I probably need to drink more.